Couples Therapy
When the same conversation keeps going wrong
Couples therapy is a space for both partners. It is not about deciding who is right; it is about understanding what happens between you, and what each of you needs.
For every couple
A non-blaming place to start
Couples come to therapy at many different points: early in a relationship, after years together, after a rupture of trust, or simply because conversations have become harder than they used to be. This concept practice welcomes couples of all backgrounds, genders and sexualities, and relationships of every shape.
Partners often arrive feeling unheard, or sure that the problem lies with the other person. Therapy slows things down so that each person’s experience can be understood, without either being cast as the villain.
Interaction patterns
The cycle, not the partner, as the problem
Many couples find themselves caught in a familiar loop. One partner reaches out more urgently, perhaps by criticising or pursuing; the other pulls back to avoid conflict. Each response makes the other’s more likely. Over time the pattern can feel bigger than either person.
One partner pursues
Raises concerns, presses for a response, may sound critical. Underneath: “Do I matter to you? Are you there?”
The other withdraws
Goes quiet, changes the subject, leaves the room. Underneath: “I can’t get this right. I need things to calm down.”
One illustrative example. Patterns vary, and partners can swap roles.
Attachment and emotional needs
What sits underneath the argument
Attachment research suggests that adults, like children, look to the people closest to them for comfort and a sense of security. When that connection feels uncertain, strong emotions such as fear, hurt or loneliness can show up as anger, criticism or shutting down.
In couples therapy, partners are helped to notice these softer feelings and the needs behind them, and to express them in ways the other person can hear and respond to.
Read: understanding attachment in adult relationshipsThe approach
How the work may unfold
A general description. The therapist will explain their own approach directly.
Early sessions usually focus on understanding the relationship’s history, what each partner hopes for, and the pattern that tends to unfold when things go wrong. Some therapists also meet with each partner individually as part of the assessment.
As the pattern becomes clearer, the work moves towards the emotions and needs beneath it, and towards new ways of reaching for each other. This practice’s couples work is informed by Emotionally Focused Therapy.
Therapy can help partners understand each other and make clearer decisions. It does not guarantee a particular outcome, and for some couples the work helps them separate with more understanding and care.
Questions
Practical questions
What if my partner isn’t sure about coming?
That is common. An enquiry can be a chance to ask questions together. Some people also begin with individual sessions while they consider their options.
Will the therapist take sides?
The aim is to understand and support both partners, and the relationship between them. The therapist’s role is not to decide who is to blame.
Is couples therapy right for every situation?
Not always. Where there is violence, intimidation or controlling behaviour in a relationship, joint sessions may not be safe or appropriate, and other support may be recommended first. The therapist will usually ask about safety early on, sometimes with each partner separately.
If you are worried about your safety, you can contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, or call 000 in an emergency.
How many sessions do couples usually attend?
It depends on the couple and what they hope to address. The pace and length of the work are discussed and reviewed together.
What are the fees and session arrangements?
Fees, session length and formats will be published once confirmed. To be confirmed by the practice
Thinking about couples therapy?
You can enquire on your own or together. Learn more about Emotionally Focused Therapy.